Roasted Chickpeas: Wrong Way, Right Way

Mornin’ everybody! Hope y’all had a lovely weekend, and that the weather was half as nice as it was here in Brooklyn: blooming trees, perfect skies, visible patch of grass – the whole nine. Even our neighborhood Incredibly Frightening Drunk Who Hangs Out 24-7 at the Last Remaining Pay Phone on Earth was suitably enchanted.

My weekend was fantastic, spoiled only briefly by a botched attempt at Roasted Chickpeas. I got ‘em right the second time around, but wanted to transcribe the wrong directions, just in case anyone ever attempts them. Here goes:

1) Comb Food Blog Search for acceptable Roasted Chickpea recipe.

2) Settle on Roasted Chickpeas at Anne’s Food. Revel in Scandinavian…ness, as she is fellow Swede.

3) Resolve to visit Sweden, see if everyone is really blonde/lithe.

4) Rinse and dry chickpeas. Place on cookie sheet. Place in preheated 425ºF oven.

5) As chickpeas roast, play Scrabulous with friend F. Watch in horror as F spells “EQUATES” and “SLUGGED” one after the other, scoring 86 and 79 points, respectively.

6) Retaliate with “NOOSE,” as F has just essentially hanged you.

7) Resolve to start socializing with dumber people.

8) Attempt to remove chickpeas from roasting vessel. Instead, spill entire pan in oven.

9) Gnash teeth. Traumatize backyard squirrel with volume of yelled obscenities.

10) One by one, painstakingly pick 150 chickpeas out of ancient, formerly scorching oven, taking care not to burn digits and/or face off by accidentally leaning on blazing surface.

11) Burn digit and/or face off by accidentally leaning on blazing surface.

12) Yell more obscenities. Resolve to enroll backyard squirrel in therapy.

13) Realize (with horror) oven has not been cleaned since the Paleozoic era.

14) Resolve to clean oven.

15) Realize you will never clean oven.

16) Resolve to get roommate to clean oven.

17) Realize roommate will never, ever clean oven, as roommate rarely cleans anything.

18) Ponder life.

19) Attempt recipe again, using correct directions (listed below).

20) Succeed!

21) Lose Scrabulous by record 4 billion points. Remain happy due to ultra-cheap, highly tasty chickpea recipe.

Roasted Chickpeas
4 servings
Adapted from Anne's Food.

1 14.5 oz can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 teaspoon olive oil
¼ - ½ teaspoon salt (1/2 will be very salty. - Kris)
5 dashes cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cumin

1) Preheat oven to 425°F.

2) Place chickpeas on baking/cookie sheet. Roast for 10 minutes. Shake the pan. (Do not spill on kitchen floor.) Roast another 10 minutes.

3) In a medium bowl, combine chickpeas, oil, salt, and spices. Stir well to combine.

4) Spread chickpeas back out on baking sheet. Roast between 5 and 15 more minutes, until they're browned and super crunchy. Serve.

Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price Per Serving
135 calories, 4.3 g fat, $0.15

Calculations
1 14.5 oz can chickpeas: 500 calories, 4.8 g fat, $0.50
1 teaspoon olive oil: 39 calories, 4.5 g fat, $0.03
¼ - ½ teaspoon salt: negligible calories and fat, $0.01
5 dashes cayenne pepper: negligible calories and fat, $0.02
1 teaspoon cumin: negligible calories and fat, $0.02
TOTAL: 539 calories, 9.3 g fat, $0.58
PER SERVING: 135 calories, 4.3 g fat, $0.15